I have been working on audition repertoire for the last few months, trying out for the Chicago Civic Orchestra, the Pittsburgh Symphony, Central City Opera's summer festival, and some others. Unfortunately...I've gotten no's from all of them so far. But that's OK! I'm 25 and did not go to graduate school to study these excerpts like some of my competition. I have taken this opportunity to work on some of the hardest music I have ever played, and recording myself has been so exciting.
Recordings have been a great measure of my progress over the last year.
I was at the UNC Greensboro Flute Fest two weeks ago, and heard some amazing music honoring guest of honor Brooks de Wetter-Smith, and featuring the brilliant Marianne Gedigan. Once the masterclasses began, however, I felt a sinking feeling while listening to some of those same pieces - some that I had worked on years before, others that I had always heard of and knew I would have to attempt at some point. The lectures about the same technique books, the same orchestral excerpts and the same references. We all know the ones, and sometimes you really do just have to dig in and grind through this stuff.
Then something Gedigan said really touched me. "You have to find your way - your voice - in this industry, or you risk getting lost in the noise. If you're a writer, write. If you're a designer, make yourself a great website." I tried to start thinking about myself. What am I good at? What's in my soul?
So, here I am in the midst of auditions, reminding myself to go to yoga, keep reading, playing music that lights me up, and looking for places to perform - even the smallest venue - for myself.